Written on Tuesday October 22, 2012 in a spiral bound notebook:
…And here it is the cross-over point as information starts to flow fluidly into my mind, and through my hand, and body. I just listen and I write and it is easy.
“You might have wished upon a star once or twice, or many times in your life – but why wish upon something so far away? Doesn’t it seem wise to wish upon yourself, the truest star in your life? Pull out a piece of paper and fold it in half I want to show you something.”
“Wait. First draw your hand on it.”
I do this and fold it in half noticing I can see through the paper. On one side I see my fingers reaching up with out-pouring energy like branches of a tree. On the other side is my palm, thumb, and wrist with the energy of roots grounding into the whole of who I am. Grounding into the center, the core of my being. These roots, these veins, these fibers go direct to my chest – to my heart. From my fingertips flow out love but my hand also takes love in. Soaking it up like the roots of a tree.
I don’t know what this means?
“It means that you are a balanced individual. By nature we mean you to be balanced and yet with free will it has taken years for you to be off-balance and now to try to re-achieve it is certainly a monumental feat. Can you bring yourself back into balance?”
I don’t know, I’d like to try. Can you help me?
“It’s not a decision we are allowed to make for you. It is your gift to find your own way. Like your daughter tells you: me do it myself.”
I stop here and I think. Looking up at the wet green branch in my face (I am sitting under a fir tree in the yard. It is misting, and the tree gives some shelter to write). What value what worth would it have for me if it was just so easy, if I didn’t have to work for it at all? I wonder if there would be any pleasure from it. I do indeed get pleasure from working hard, maybe not all the time but for sure a job well done feels amazing, ecstatic. So what would life be like if everything was easy… boring? Could it be we need a challenge, the human spirit needs challenges to live, to grow. If we were always just as we are in our most magnificent space how would we ever know how truly magnificent we are? Do you know how magnificent you are? Do you tell yourself you are magnificent? I don’t. I definitely have my good days and commend myself for that but magnificence. Who me? Never. But is that the “God’s honest truth,” that I am not magnificent, that we are not magnificent? I get the feeling that the answer is, of course not.
I don’t know what else to say or write or even think. So I ask is there anything more needed to be heard?
My mind goes back to, “The paper.” I open it up and they tell me to, “Draw a heart in the palm.” They say, “Hold your love in your hand. Whether it is moving to you or from you hold it there. Look at your hands as if they are tools of love. Write the word love across them etherically and let them be love, let the love flow. And also be mindful with what you touch. Love it all. Love all your hands lay on.”
At this point I lay my left hand down on the paper and I mentally say, “I love you paper.” And then I look at my right hand holding a pen and say, “I love you pen.” And then I smile and softly giggle, chuckle to myself because I do love paper and pen… (shrug) I just do.
I can see the image of the hand with the heart at its palm. My hand, my heart. I think I understand a little bit more. If you hold the focus of your love to be towards all of which you touch such as “I love you paper. I love you pen. I love you water. I love you glass…” and over and over then you are in a state of love. Seems incessant (I think to myself), maybe I’ll just try it for a block of time, like 10 minutes or something. Ok, so I am giving my love there, through my hand, connected to my heart, to my awareness, to my feelings, and emotion, that then fill-in and fill me up with that feeling of love. As you give love you get love – remember it fills from both ends (referencing a previous journal entry- as you give love out you feel it in as well). There is no void left with love, it is the all.
And then my mind breaks into the Beatles song, “All You Need is Love.”
Thoughts following journal entry:
What would it feel like to end and begin every encounter with a mentally spoken, “I love you?”
I have been practicing this randomly and I like it. I find I do have love and thankfulness for silly little things I normally would not give thought to like scissors, and a glass of water, but also to my children, my home, and myself. “I love you.” The energy of that phrase is naturally uplifting. So as I feel like I am, “writing my I love you’s” to the world the love is also coming back to me and it is with purpose that I am doing this, that I have been guided in this way to work at shifting my perception, my experience, and my energy. And what an easy and yet profound thing to do, to mentally speak “I love you” to everything your hands touch. But isn’t that just exactly what love is, easy and profound.
Maybe I will take that advice and wish upon me as my own star. It seems all the arrows are pointing to me anyway, as the answer to all of my dreams.