Love is too tempting to leave behind. Nobody wants less, and nothing is wanted more.
I know of a girl whose inner pain stems from never being enough. She’s not enough for her husband, she’s not enough as a mother, she’s not enough in her career, or in her friendships. She lives a front, pushing blame onto those she feels she cannot fulfill and complaining as a means of self-comfort. However, the gap is plain to see, it exists within her. It is painful and I can feel it in my belly too as I think of her now. A wide and gaping hole.
I wonder, how was this child harmed, how was she maimed? It could have been the simplest of circumstances, an ill word spoken, confidence crushed. It could have been a much more severe circumstance. I do not know, and yet I am able to sense her pain, and know it, the core of what it is. She feels like she’s not enough and all she wants to be is enough. For someone to tell her you’re all I need. To be held and loved. For her husband to just come home, for her children to linger and maybe even dote on her. For her boss to say, “good job,” and for her friends to say, “I love you.” Starving for attention, starving for acknowledgement, starving for love.
Deep down, haven’t we all felt this way? And what a lonely feeling it is. I think we can all identify with feeling like less than we are. Not knowing our own value. Not understanding there is NO comparison. We all want to be loved and in a way that confirms to us who we are, that we are good, that we are worthy, and loveable. We want to know ourself through the hearts of those we love. We want to be enough to deserve their deepest of love and to see it expressed to us in the deepest of ways.
Sometimes however, it just doesn’t line up that way. And in these sad moments we may realize that we may never be enough for that person to change, for the light to awaken them, to see how magnificent we are, and what they are missing out on in their life. At the same time we must know we cannot keep our happiness captive, dependent on those who have every reason to love us and for their own shortcomings and reasons, cannot possibly give us what we need. Perhaps it is time to realize it is not us, but those around us who are not ready. That’s when we need to start searching for ways to fill our own holes and connect our own gaps. That’s when we need to become enough for ourself. Although we are human and in every way our life is dependent on others, we must each cultivate a confidence for being enough for ourself. That way in the shortcomings that we have and that we face, all of which are really just another part of being human, we will have a greater chance of standing strong and not succumbing to the lows that the illusion of not being good enough can drag us down to. Don’t be dragged under. Lift yourself up and know that it’s not so much a matter of erasing our flaws but in seeing that despite them we are enough.
“I am enough! I am always enough.”
Say these words and let them heal you. And be forgiving of those who have not yet managed to move beyond their own shortcomings, but know that you can.